HELLO, FALL.

Was summer even here? I felt like I was asleep for most of it. Or at least, in the late afternoons for the days I had long morning shifts at work. and that was it. Work. all i did was work. if it wasn't work, it was sleep. if it wasn't sleep, it was wandering around the house with my cellphone attached to my hand and my eyes searching for food. And if it wasn't any of that, it became lonely. When i decided to take it easy this summer by not taking any summer courses, i didn't think it would comprise of my summer existence knees deep in coffee aroma and sleepy eyelids. i mean, don't get me wrong, i loved working in the beginning of the summer. i loved spending time with my coworkers and chatting with the regulars but as time passed, my desires for adventure and thrill became more vivid. so, i started to pick apart all the bad things about work and myself. I hated myself for doing that. In fact, i don't even know why i did that to myself. I purposely let myself fall into a place i should've stayed away from but i didn't stop myself. I let myself fall into the abyss. And it slowly swallowed me whole. The last few weeks of summer was tough. I felt so alone and sad all the time. I felt that my coworkers didn't care if i was there or not. I felt that my friends didn't care enough to ask how I was doing. I felt that my family was in their own worlds to be able to notice that mine was ripping apart. It scares me to think what my year's going to look like. This is my final year of university and i am petrified. I have always felt alone on campus and its not like I want to. But it's hard. It's hard to tell myself over and over that things will be better and that I have to try in order to feel and be better. But it's hard, especially now when my classes are alot smaller and therefore, alot more intimidating than it used to be. So as much as I am grateful summer is over, I do worry what Fall will bring into my life. But i am not giving up on being the best that i can be, despite the struggles i know will come my way. Until I have more to update on, I'll see you soon. xx